Hey Baby….I’m Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Noris works out 25 hours a day.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
My c0©k isn’t hard, the world is just soft.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
Nails wish they were as tough as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Can I borrow a quarter to call my dying mother.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
Chuck Norris can run you over with a parked car.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Chuck Norris can leave a message before the beep.
If you flip over China its says made by Chuck Norris.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.
I’ve justbeat up god & the devil… come dance with me.
Kevlar is the synthetic version of Chuck Norris’ moustache.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Even if chuck norris was your father, i’d still ask you out.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Take it from me sweetheart, Chuck Norris ain’t got nuthin on me!
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.
Is that a mirror in your pocket because I see myself in your pants.
Chuck Norris was once hospitalised, becaused he kicked his own A$$.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding S#xanium.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
When Chuck Norris swims in the ocean, the sharks are in a steel cage.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris mivrowaves his food by putting it in his pants for a minute.
Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it’s been on the run ever since.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have S#x, he merely let’s divine intervention happen.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
I don’t penetrate you, your v@g!n@ just has a magnetic reaction to my peπ!s.
Black Holes are places where parallel universes are hiding from Chuck Norris.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
That shirt is very becoming on you, of course if I were on you i’d be C^mming too.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books, the words A$$emble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 12 hours.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris doesn’t brush his teeth. He points his fist at his mouth and the plaque jumps out.
Chuck Norris didn’t survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn’t dead it’s just afraid to move.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain and agony, the rattle snake died.
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang doesn’t return because it’s too afraid to come back.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
When life gave Chuck Norris lemons, he made lemonade, a 9 inch hunting knife, an AK-47, and a playpen for his pet scorpion.
Fear of spiders is called Arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called Claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.
There was a compeS#xion of arm wrestling between Chuck Norris and Superman. And guess what, the loser had to wear his undies over his pants!
The grA$$ is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grA$$ is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.