Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
Traveling on a flying carpet is a rugged experience.
What do you call a black pilot? a pilot, you racist.
The plane flight brought my acrophobia to new heights.
I remember when S#x was safe and flying was dangerous.
What do you call a pregnant flight attendant? Pilot error.
Why do 747s have humps? So the pilot can sit on his wallet.
[Top 30+] Aeroplane, Airplane,Aviation Jokes and Puns! Airline Humor
If you get sick at the airport it could be a terminal illness.
What do you call a space pilot who lives dangerously? Han YOLO
What do you call a plane that’s about to crash? An “Error Plane”
The debate about unmanned aircraft strikes just keeps droning on.
If you m@sterbte on a plane do they charge you with “hi-jacking”?
What seperates three wh0®es form two alcoholics? The c0©kpit door!
When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane? A Boeing Constrictor.
Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.
Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
What do you call when you’re sick of being in the airport? Terminal illness.
What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician? a flying sorcerer.
Did you hear about the pilot who always had work? He was great at landing a job.
The airlines have become so cash-strapped, they charged me for my emotional baggage.
I’ve heard that the airplane industry is really taking off and reaching new heights.
When asked by a pA$$enger how high he would get, the pilot replied,’I don’t do drugs.
During his air test a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He pA$$ed with flying colors.
Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
Airspeed, alS#xude, and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
Wanna know how to make a small fortune running a charter airline? Start out with a large one.
What’s the difference between a fighter pilot and God? God doesn’t think He’s a fighter pilot.
If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.
Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.
What’s the difference between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza? A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.
When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
Whats the difference between a jet engine and a flight attendant? At the end of the flight the jet engine stops whining
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh Shit”
What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.
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