Can I help you?
Let’s get dirty.
Them: “Why’s that?”
Isn’t it tuber time?
What a huge eggplant.
How early do you rise?
Clean up in Aisle BVD!
Are those melons fresh?
This selection is nuts.
These plums are so soft.
Want to cross pollinate?
Funny meat-ing you here.
Do you like free samples?
What else can you pickle?
Let me help you with that.
Pssst! My piggly is wiggly.
You sure have big baguettes!
Can I be your next varietal?
Our love would be 100% organic.
I think grapes are very sensual.
Don’t you just love stone fruit?
Got milk? You look like you would.
What do you do in your off season?
It’s funny how slippery this jam is!
Looks like you’re buying meat. Cool.
Those bananas ain’t got nothing on me.
Do you know if they sell organic Oreos?
Want to melt my beeswax candles tonight?
I’d love to do a vegetable wash for you.
How do you know when an avocado is ripe?
This bushel is so dry, let’s change that.
I’ve always wanted to be a farmer’s wife.
Want to show me how to make steamy greens?
Want to come over later and help me shuck?
There is no expiration date for true love.
Are you as spicy as your artisan hot sauce?
Let’s make like fabric softener and snuggle.
Orange you glad citrus is finally in season?
I hate oranges. Will you be my main squeeze?
I like my men like my homemade bread, dense.
How long does it take for your bread to rise?
Did you know that kale is not an aphrodisiac?
Do you like hot chocolate? I like hot chicks.
You: “Because you could melt all this stuff.”
Mmm, these honey samples are so mouthwatering.
So how would you like to become a stock *man*?
How do you like your organic, free range eggs?
You’re so cute I’d add you to my woven basket.
These Heirloom tomatoes are so firm and juicy.
Can I help you carry your groceries to the car?
Wow, looks like dinner’s at your place tonight.
Price check for mixed roasted nuts on aisle 69!
Just call me Elvis ’cause I love my meat tender.
Do you prefer organic or local? Because I’m both.
How about a little roll in the Bakery Department?
Is your name Pepsi? Because you sure are sizzling.
I hope I’m on your list of things to pick up today.
These two quail eggs just fit in my hand perfectly.
I forgot my reusable bag, can I borrow one of yours?
I see you’re pretty skilled at churning your butter.
I like chicken breast. Actually, I love all breasts.
So, how long have you been pickling these cuC^mbers?
Let’s pick up some artisAn@! breads and make a baby.
Oh, you’re out of eggs? That’s ok, you can have mine.
I’m a man at a farmers market. Of course I’m a catch.
It’s the end of the world — again! (At magazine rack)
If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be?
These groceries aren’t for me. They’re for my grandma.
May I use those melons for my Fruit of the Loom salad?
What a small world! I belong to the Safeway Club, too!
I’ve got some meat here that’s ‘Best if used by tonight.
I buy garbage bags because I always take out the garbage.
I’m trying to convince myself that Corn Pops are healthy.
My meat is very interested in being inside of your fridge.
I like baby carrots because they totally fit in your mouth.
I avoid the candy aisle because I’m sweet enough on my own.
Those Carhartt overalls would look even better on my floor.
I hear lavender makes underwear drawers smell nice, does it?
(Staring at boxes of cereal) I treat all boxes with respect.
Was your Dad a baker? Because you’ve got a nice set of buns!
It says right here that this frozen pizza is enough for two.
If I give you my extra coupon will you write my number on it?
You can have that last bag of chips if I can bag your number.
Paper or latex? I mean latex or plastic? You know what I mean.
I believe a woman should eat as much chocolate as she pleases.
That hand spun sweater looks big enough for two to get cozy in.
How can you tell if these things are ripe? (At produce section)
This isn’t a beer belly, it’s a fuel tank for the love machine.
Do you need helping seeding your flower garden for next season?
Give me your address and I’ll help you put your groceries away.
If you were a bouquet of fresh cut flowers, I would take you home.
I hear spices like cayenne can act as an aphrodisiac? Do you know?
A pretty lady wasn’t on my shopping list but I can be spontaneous.
Ain’t nothing sticky about those buns – they look nice and smooth.
Reading a shopping list, eh? I see we’re both fans of the clA$$ics.
I don’t believe in lean pork. I like a lady with meat on her bones.
Is it really cold in frozen foods, or are you just happy to see me?
Your name must be Lucky Charms, because you’re magically delicious.
I had a great time tonight. Would you like to plan the second date?
You: “It’s dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section.”
I don’t work at this store, but may I be of A$$istance to you anyway?
Have you ever frolicked in the fields of [name of your favorite farm]?
You are so hot. I bet I could cook an egg right there on your A$$ cheek.
Do you know which aisle the edible underwear is in? Oh wait, wrong store!
I’m buying some stuff for a party later today. Would you like to join me?
I know you make artisan cheese, but what else can you do with your hands?
Can I wear your plaid flannel when I make you breakfast tomorrow morning?
Does your Dad own Snapple, because you’re made of the best stuff on earth.
Roses are red, bananas are yellow, wanna go out with a nice little fellow?
I heard milk does the body good, but man, how much have you been drinking?
The expiration date says “best if used by tonight.” Can I make you dinner?
These bags of organic spinach would make some great pillows don’t you think?
How much of this caviar do you think I can get into the trunk of my Ferrari?
I’d love a taste of that [insert name of product] before I commit to buying.
Let’s ‘bag’ this place and go get a coffee. And yes, I am proud of that pun.
You must be a sustainably farmed mushroom because you’re really growing on me.
You elevate checking out to a mystical event worthy only of gods and champions.
This beer has a very sensual taste. What were you thinking of when you brewed it?
These peppers are, like, so yellow. Which reminds me—what are you doing Saturday?
You put the hot in hothouse… cuC^mbers. Too much? Sorry. Maybe we should make out.
I don’t care *how* many items you’ve got, baby, I could check you out all day long!
There are over six hundred varieties of heirloom tomatoes, but there’s only one of me.
What’s your favorite way to eat rhubarb? [Wait for answer] I’d love to make it for you.
Baby, have you been eating your Campbell’s soup? Because you are looking Mmm, Mmm good!
You know, a sack full of groceries can’t hug you back. On the other hand, I totally can.
Let’s just say that my peach-squeezing skills extend to other fruits as well. Like BØØBs.
I don’t chew gum. I’d prefer to nibble on your ear while whispering sweet nothings into it.
Look like we’ve got a long wait here in the check out line, so why don’t we get acquainted.
Baby, you better get out of that express lane, ’cause you’re all that *and* a bag of chips.
Your hands seem to be full. I have big panniers you can borrow to bike all that produce home.
Did you ever notice that supermarket music is actually ideal for slow dancing with strangers?
Have you ever seen a guy eat an entire can of pinto beans in under 10 seconds? Would you like to?
I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve got 3 bags of Cool Ranch Doritos in your basket. Marry me?
This diaper rash ointment isn’t for my A$$, it’s for a tattoo that just so happens to be on my A$$.
I always like to keep my place stocked with coffee and breakfast food in case I don’t wake up alone.
What it doesn’t say on the back of that can of whipped cream is that it tastes really good on my skin.
I buy chicken breast but I don’t stare at it for too long because I respect what a chicken has to say.
Baby, you’re so sweet, you put Hershey’s out of business. And, speaking of Hershey’s, how about a kiss?
I don’t own a cat. I’m buying this cat food because I rescue a kitten from a tree at least once a week.
I really can’t finish a box of strawberry all by myself, Would you like to share with me over some wine?
What a coincidence! You’ve got butter in your cart, and I’ve got a copy of ‘Last Tango in Paris’ at home!
Wow—funny MEAT-ing you here. Get it? How ‘meat’ and ‘meet’ are H0m0phones? You should help me stop talking.
I’m buying this T-Bone for my dog. I’m really a vegetarian that respects all walks of life – especially women.
Are we in the laxatives aisle? ‘Cause the thought of hooking up with you is running though my mind like crazy.
Nice basket. Wait! No! I didn’t mean it like that. On the upside, you’re really good at slapping people in the face.
Egg whites are for pu$$ies. A real man doesn’t criticize an egg for it’s fatty parts, he loves an egg just the way it is.
I actually prefer that life give me lemons so that I can make a pretty lady like you some lemonade on a hot Summer’s day.
You know it’s really dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section. Because with your looks you could melt all this stuff!
I have been staring at you from all angles around the store but now that we’re here in the checkout line I feel like it’s appropriate.
Orange you glad I didn’t say ‘banana?’ I mean, you know the joke ‘orange you glad…?’ What I’m saying is, I’d like to make out with you.
You’ve got a box of those limited edition tattoo fruit roll-ups, and I’ve got a sugar craving and a bunch of extra spit. Let’s get it on.
You must be NUTS to shop here, but that’s quite a (pih)STASH(io) you’ve got! cah-SHEW! I just sneezed. Please come back. I swear I’ll stop.
What’s your favorite late night snack? Pie? I’ll buy 6 of them. That way you’ll have something to munch on after our fierce yet tender bang sesh.
Okay, here’s the deal: I’ll let you take the last stuffed crust frozen pizza if you let me take you to dinner. At your house. Where we’ll be having frozen pizza.
I’d offer to help you carry those bags, but I threw my back out saving an orphan from a runaway paddleboat. Little tyke didn’t even see it coming. Thank god I was there.
You know, it ain’t often that I see a lady buying pork rinds, and when I see a lady buying pork rinds, I says to myself, ‘This is one chick I *got* to get to know better.
What are you doing hanging out in aisle 3? You clearly belong in aisle 9. Aisle 10 is within arm’s reach but that all depends on whether or not you’ll have dinner with me.
Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? But really, I don’t think you’re supposed to put the bananas in your pocket. They have plastic bags for that.