[Top 400] Sarcastic Pick Up Lines For Those Who Understand Sarcasm!

[Top 400] Sarcastic Pick Up Lines For Those Who Understand Sarcasm! 1

Fancy a f#ck?
Let’s just f#ck.
I’m hard. You wet?
Show me your pu$$y!
Wow! Are those real?
Wanna Job? It Blows!
Do you C^m here, often?
Nice shoes, wanna f#ck?
Wanna see my third leg?
Nice legs, lets eat out.
Wanna f#ck like bunnies?
Can I see your tan lines?
I’ve got a great big c0©k!
Nice beach balls, can I play?
Nice Fu©king weather. Want to?
Hey babe, wanna sample my DNA?
What do you like for breakfast?
Nice S#xs, mind if i feel them?
Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?
Can I take you to the Bone-yard?
Excuse me, have I Fu©ked you yet?
Mines bigger than his want proof?
If you talk to me, I’ll f#ck you.
Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!
Nice S#xs. Mind if I squeeze them?
Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
You know I live a Magnum Lifestyle
You know what C^ms after C….The D!
May i pleasure you with my tongue?
Let’s go f#ck in a brand new limo.
Can I please be your slave tonight?
Can I read your t-shirt in braille?
Can I be the wiener in your hotdog?
Wanna tickle my Oscar Meyer Wiener?
Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
Have this flower before I take yours
The names D!¢K, can I put it in you?
Hello, love, do you spit or swallow?
You’d mind if I fantasize about you?
S#x is a killer … want to die happy?.
Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
Will you marry me for just one night?
What are you doing tonight beside me?
I’m leaving this place … want to C^m?
So, Is it safe to say I’m gonna score?
Have you ever played leap frog naked??
What time do you get off? Can I watch?
My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?
I’ve got a condom with your name on it.
Wasn’t I supposed to eat you somewhere?
Can you help me up? My D!¢K is too big.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
You know what I like in a girl? My D!¢K.
This D!¢K a rental car company…..It Hertz
My place…..Eight o’clock……bring a friend.
You smell like trash. May I take you out?
Can I impregnate you with my Demon spawn?
I’m not Asian but I’ll still eat your cat.
You have been very naughty. Go to my room!
You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
Yeah, it’s big and if you pet it, it spits
If you’re feeling down, I can fill you up.
Wanna do something that rhymes with truck?
You look familiar, have we had S#x before?
If I take off my clothes, will you f#ck me?
What do I have to do to be your b00ty call?
Hello. I have S#x on the first date. Do you?
Are you a horse? (No) Can I ride you anyway?
My ex-girlfriend used to call me Goldfinger.
My name’s Pogo, d’ya wanna jump on my stick?
You are the reason that god invented boners.
My name is Skittles… wanna taste my rainbow?
What is long and hard, and right behind you?
You’re like my own personal brand of her0in.
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
With great peπ!s, comes great responsibility.
Let us let only latex stand between our love.
Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my D!¢K?
I’m like chocolate: I go straight to your A$$!
Do you like cherries? If not can I have yours?
I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
That’s a nice shirt, can I take you out of it?
Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.
You know, if I were you, I’d have S#x with me.
Would you like a hotdog to go with those buns?
Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
Is it hot in here, or are your BØØBs just huge.
You smell… We should go take a shower together.
Are you a light switch? Because you turn me on!
Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?
Come here or my D!¢K will start C^mING for you!
Your so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.
Want to make a P0®no? We don’t have to tape it.
You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you.
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have S#x?
That dress would look great on my bedroom floor!
I’m peanut butter, you’re jelly, let’s have S#x.
Are you a raisin? because your a raisin my D!¢K.
Fu©k me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Laura?
My D!¢K just died, can I bury it in your v@g!n@?
My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.
I’m not skinny, I’m ribbed for your her pleasure
Let’s bypA$$ all the bull$h!t and just get naked.
Are you from Ireland? Because my D!¢K’s-a-Dublin!
People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!
You’re so hot, even my pants are falling for you!
Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
Your A$$ is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
Are you gay? (No) Wow, me neither, let’s have S#x.
I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?
You can touch mine if I can touch yours with mine.
Life is like a D!¢K. When it gets hard, “Fu©k it”.
Clothes look heavy on ya, want me to relieve some?
You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
This may seem corny, but you make me really h0rn¥.
Do you have a can opener? My D!¢K is about to pop.
Do you have an inhaler? Because you’ve got A$$ ma.
My cat’s dead, can I play with your pu$$y instead?
They say S#x is a killer… Do you want to die happy?
I’m hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?
Do you have a shovel? Because I’m diggin’ that A$$!
You need something to shut that big mouth of yours!
Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.
Sit on my face and let me get to ‘nose’ you better?
The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you.
Are you an elevator? Because I wanna go down on you.
Why pay $5 when you can’t get this footling for free
Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.
I’m no rooster, but watch what this c0©k-a-do-to-you
Girl, your eyes are bluer than Heisenberg’s crystal!
I’ve got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?
Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!
Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, “edible.”
I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!
Those BØØBs look very heavy… can I hold them for you?
You’re like Pringles once I pop you, I can’t stop you.
Wanna go on an ate with me? I’ll give you the D later.
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
Excuse me, I just $h!t in my pants. Can I get in yours?
Lets play “S#xanic.” When I say “Iceburg!” you do down.
Those are nice jeans, do you think I could get in them?
My peπ!s is like a dictonary want me to blow your mind?
Have you ever played “Spank the brunette”? Want to try?
Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
Fu©k me, I’m beautiful enough to be with you all night.
Remember my name, because you’ll be screaming it later!
Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
I’ve got skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?
Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Gurl, you make me wanna dive in the sea….. dat pus-sea.
The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
Are you from China? Because I’m China get in your pants.
Have you seen my enormous jar of “peπ!s Reducing Cream”?
Excuse me, is it true that you’re a S#xual tyrannosaurus?
There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Let’s have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Hey baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited!
You run track?, because I heard you relay want this D!¢K.
S#x is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.
Happy hour’s over but it’s still going strong at my place.
If you were a car, I’d wax you and ride you all over town.
Have S#x with me and I promise never to talk to you again!
I’m the finger down your spine when all the lights go out.
Wanna make like scarface and say hello to my little friend
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated 0rg@sm?
Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? (No) Wink.
We’ll probably never see each other again, so let’s screw.
What’s the biggest moving musle in a womens body. My c0©k!
Do you have a beard on your pu$$y/A$$hole? (No.) Want one?
The FBI wants to steal my peπ!s. Can I hide it inside you?
Are you anorexic? Oh, OK, then I’ll understand if you spit.
Wanna play Army? I lay down and you blow the hell outta me.
If I’m a pain in your A$$… We can just add more lubricants.
You can call me cake, because I’ll go straight to your A$$.
You Need Directions?…Well First you gotta take this D-tour.
If I was hungry for crabs would you spread your legs for me?
Call me Chris Brown, because I’d hit that! (Look at her A$$)
Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.
Damn, if being S#xy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!
If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
My D!¢K is like catnip, it’ll make a cougar like you go wild.
My D!¢K just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your A$$?
Is your dad a farmer? (No, why?) Because you got some melons.
Were you conceived on a sofa? Because you are sofacking fine.
Are you from Iraq? Because I like the way you Baghdad A$$ up.
Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
Is pu$$y Lips one word? Because I’m gonna spread them tonight
We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I’ll poke you.
That dress looks great on you…as a matter of fact, so would I.
Are you constipated? Because I wanna f#ck the $h!t out of you.
Is that a keg in your pants? Because I’d love to tap that A$$.
Are you from Africa? Because I wanna know Kenya suck this D!¢K?
Do you like Alphabet soup…Because you gonna be choking on the D
Have you ever bought a vibrator? (No.) Do you want to rent one?
Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
Look at my lips and your lips. They want to mA$$age each other.
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit.
They’re called “eyebrows” cus my eyes are browsin your fine A$$
So, what are the chances of my balls slappin’ your A$$ tonight?
Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
Hello, can I offer you eight inches of strength and sensitivity?
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven’t got any, how about a c0©k?
Are you a farmer? No, because you sure know how to raise a c0©k.
Lets play house…you can be the door so I can slam you all I want!
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let’s play gynecologist.
You can call me “The Fireman”….mainly because I turn the hoes on!
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
Are you a doctor? because you just cured my erectile dysfunction.
Roses are red, violets are fine. If I be the 6, will you be the 9?
Yeah. I’m an A$$hole, but will that stop me from getting in yours?
Life is short. Let’s f#ck and see if there is anything after that.
Your so hot I’d jack your dad off just to see where you came from.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put my D!¢K in your A$$!
Miss, If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘U’ between ‘F’ and ‘CK’
There are 206 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
I’m gonna have S#x with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes.
Let’s play carpenter. First we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
Are you a shark? Because I’ve got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Guess what?! I’ve got an 8? tounge and I can breath out of my ears!
Your pants remind me of Vegas…. The kinda place I go to blow my Wad.
Do you like Adele? Because I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.
Are you a racehorse? Because when I ride you’ll always finish first.
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
If I gave you a S#xy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
If you were a washing machine, I would put my dirty load inside you.
Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Because you have a pretty sweet A$$!
Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
Hello, I’m biS#xual. I’d like to BUY you a drink…and then get S#xual
Want to see my hard drive? It ain’t 3.5 inches, and it ain’t floppy!
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac’s in your bra?
I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
They call me the Delivery Man, because I always come in the back door
My friend and I made a bet and I need to check if those are implants.
Are you a termite? Because you’re about to have a mouth full of wood.
Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.
That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!
You have eyes like spanners. When I look in to them, my nuts tighten.
Do you handle chickens because you look like you’d be good with c0©ks
You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers.
Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna phil you with my peπ!s.
Are you from the ghetto? Because I’m about to ghetto hold of dat A$$.
I’m studying to be a Taxidermist. Can I practice stuffing your pu$$y?
You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?.
You’re so hot you could make a deceased man’s D!¢K rise from the dead!
I’m no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
I’m not a D!¢K in real life, but I’ll play one in your v@g!n@ tonight!
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore….my face should be among them.
Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a Fu©k…
You might not be a Bulls fan.. But I know you felt it when this D Rose.
That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too.
Can I park my car in your garage? It’s pretty big, but it doesn’t leak.
My guitar teacher says my fingering is good, especially on the G-string
We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f#ck.
It sure is hot and stuffy in here. Would you like to take a cold shower?
If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.
Looks don’t matter, I’ll just wrap you in a flag and f#ck you for glory.
Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.
I’m the doctor of love baby and you’re over due for your meat injection!
Having S#x is a lot like golf. I’m always happy when I get a hole in one.
Want to taste my D!¢K? (What!?!) I said, “do you want to taste my drink?”
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
Do you go to church often? Because you’re gonna be on your knees tonight.
Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I’m sure you can offer 69.
I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor…what say we tie up for the night?
Are you a flight attendant? Because you gonna be plane wth this D!¢K soon.
Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because your b00ty is calling me.
Excuse me, but I have the mother load and was wondering if you had a place
Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get them while they’re hot!
If I had AIDS, would you have S#x with me? (No) Well, I don’t, so let’s go.
Why pay for a bra, when I would gladly hold your BØØBs up all day for free?
I’ve got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first?
Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
Is your name Osteoporosis? Because you’re giving me a serious bone condition
They call me the cat whisperer, because I know exactly what the pu$$y needs.
We’re out of bleach. Do you want to go in the janitor’s closet and make out?
Let’s not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let’s get to it.
Excuse me, I am about to go masterbait and needed a name to go with the face.
Let’s go to your place and love each other until my D!¢K falls in your pu$$y.
Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Do you know Phillis Brown? Because in a minute you gonna phil-this brown D!¢K
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f#ck you on the floor.
Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
You should join the circus.(Why?) So you can learn to juggle my balls all day.
The word for tonight is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word?
If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
Excuse me. Do you have chicken in your fridge? (yes) How big are your breasts?
Which is easier? You getting into those tight pants or getting you out of them?
Let me eat you for an hour. If you don’t want to have S#x after that, we won’t.
My D!¢K’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.
Do you know your ABC’s? Because I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f#ck? (No) What’s wrong, don’t you like pizza?
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don’t have a Ferrari.
Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
Roses are red, violets are blue, we’re having S#x, because I’m stronger than you
Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!
If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?
If I washed my D!¢K, would you suck it? (No) Oh, so you like to suck dirty D!¢Ks.
What’s the speed limit of S#x? (what?) 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
If I was a robot and you were one too, If I lost a bolt would you give me a screw?
I’m not an expert in hardware, but I know that you’d be able to screw my nuts off.
There are so many things you can do with the human mouth… why waste it on talking?
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a weiner stand.
We’re like hot chocolate and marshmallows… You’re hot and I wanna be on top of you.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
You remind me of a championship bA$$, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you.
So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard, and serve hot.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Damn girl I’d love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
Guy pulls out a quarter”if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?”
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
Do you have any Irish in you? (if no.) Would you like some? (if yes.) Want some more?
I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
Do you have a composition notebook? Because you can come position yourself on my face.
You remind me of my cousin. (How?) I want to f#ck you so bad, but I know that I can’t.
So, you’re not into casual S#x? Fine, I’ll put on a tux and we can call it formal S#x.
He: Hi, what’s the color of your hair? She: (tells him) He: And the hair on your head?
I’m with the TSA and I need to perform a full body cavity search, for security reasons.
Lets play circus, first sit on my face i’ll guess ur weight and i’ll eat the difference
Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I’ll put my head in your mouth.
Lets skip all the bull-$h!t lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) Do you mess around? (No) Would you hold still while I do?
So, come back to my place, and if you don’t like it I swear I’ll give you a full refund.
Roses or daises? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pu$$y.
Oh, you’re a bird watcher. (Pull out your dong) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
If I told you I had a 2 inch D!¢K would you f#ck me? (No) Good, because mine is 8 inches.
You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
The last woman I was with said, “Kiss me where it stinks.” So, I drove her to New Jersey.
What’ll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size?
You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Because I know exactly what that pu$$y needs.
You remind me of the movie “Scarface” because I want you to say hello to my little friend.
Are you cold? Would you like a jacket? Because you can jack it when we get back to my place
Girl are you a witch? Because you know how to make something stand without even touching it
Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? Because I’m about to bend Jehovah and let you witness this D!¢K.
Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we’ll see what rises.
Come in the house and take off ur coat, open ur mouth and let me coat the back of that throat!
First, I’d like to kiss you pA$$ionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.
Why don’t you come over here, sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Is you father a lumberjack (No, why?) Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
Let’s play breathalyzer! You blow me as hard as you can, and I will tell you how drunk you are!
You look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will always have a seat.
Wanna play Tic-Tac-Toe?, I’ll shove a tic tac up your pu$$y and try to give you 3 O’s in a row.
My magical watch says you’re not wearing any panties…oh, you are? Damn, it must be an hour fast…
You’re like my little toe, because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
Your A$$ Looks Nice, does it need servicing because I got a wrench and some screws just for you.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie – I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
I’m scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?
Person #1: hey, you wanna do a 68? Person #2: What? Person #1: You go down, and I’ll owe you one.
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out) Would you like to?
If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?
What if I start this relationship with you as a frien. Will you allow me to give you the ‘D’ later?
Do you know what part of the tongue registers the “salty taste? Why don’t you blow me and find out?
Well spread my cheeks and call me “cell B!t¢h;” you’re prettier than anyone I ever met in the joint!
The club ends at 2, I gotta go to work at 8 lets go back to your place so you can get that pu$$y ate
I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to S#x.
Some men go around telling women they have an eight inch peπ!s; I’d never shortchange myself like that!
You are so selfish! You’re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d like to catch and mount back at my place.
You Say: I’m jealous of your dress. She says “Why?” You say: Because it’s touching your body, and I’m not.
Is it your birthday?, because icing isn’t the only thing I’ll be smearing all over face your face tonight.
Has any one ever told you your A$$ looks like a phone because I want to hit the pound button all day long.
Let’s go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
Do you know the difference between my peπ!s and a chicken wing? No? Well, let’s go on a picnic and find out!
Do you like apples? (Yes/No) How about I take you home and f#ck the sh*t out of you. How do like them apples?
Is your dad a carnie (carnival worker) Because I want you sit to on my face while I try to guess your weight.
Do you know the essential difference between S#x and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?
You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I’m 5.
You don’t want to have S#x on your period? I don’t mind a little ketchup on the hot dog as long as the bun is tight.
Since we’ve been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come for dinner between the holidays?
Are you cold? Let me be your electric blanket. Just plug me in and I’ll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.
Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: “Smile if you want to have S#x with me.” Watch her smile!
I’m not trying to pressure you. I don’t want to have S#x without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
Walk up to a female and look at her crotch then look at her face back to crotch to face and say “Are you gonna eat that?”
Try me once and if you don’t like it, what have you wasted? What, six hours of your life? It’d be more if you want foreplay.
Excuse me, My name is Ben Dover (bend over). Would you like to meet my friend Master Bates (masterbaits)? Or should I do it for you?
Male: Hey, I don’t feel to good. Female: Why? Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Female: What? Male: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out.
Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your hand up) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave your hand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head.
Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna f#ck?