[Top 30] Philosophy Pick Up Lines!

by Annie Rosy

“It’s not you, it’s me.”
Picture this, my balls in your mouth.
You and me baby ‘aint nothin’ but mammals…
Would you like to join me for a martini/glA$$ of water?
Let’s go back to my place and put an end to metaphysics.
[Top 30] Philosophy Pick Up Lines!
[Top 30] Philosophy Pick Up Lines!
And Kant instantly plummets to the bottom of the “good” category.
I saw someone on Reddit recently say, when asked their opinion of Zizek,
Dennett: You have a beautiful soul, even if it is made of lots of tiny robots.
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”.
Ninja edit: Now that I think about it. I suppose stealing something is making it yours.
Come on out to my car and I’ll show you something nonsensical; you speakin’ my language?
Yeah, I first heard both of these jokes from Christopher Hitchens. Good stuff all around.
LOL that’s some good stuff, Aristotles #1 is actually pretty good- the ladies love being flattered
And with that said, every Postmodernist philosopher careened from glory into the shackles of obscurity.
Lets give him credit. Prolegomena to any future metaphysics is a much condensed version of critique of pure reason.
Well if those people writing interpretations of Kant were any better, they’d be writing their own original texts instead.
So Jean-Paul Sartre is writing Being and Nothingness at a local cafe when the barista comes up and asks him if he wants anything.
Two behaviorists are having S#x. When they have finished, one turns to the other and says, “That was good for you. Was it good for me?”
A cop pulls over Heisenberg driving down the freeway. The cop asks if he knew he was going 150 kms/h. Heisenberg responds: “great, now I’m lost”
Oddly, though, the set of the present Kings of France is a subset of the set of all things that are bald unioned with the set of all things that are not bald.
“You can see Nietzsche has just been booked for arguing with the referee, he accused Confucius of having no free will, and Confucius, he say, ‘Name go in box’.”
A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks again. The vendor says “Whoa, man, where did that come from?” The Buddhist replies “This is my inner piece”
One of my old philosophy profs would say,“The difference between a good philosopher and a great one is what a good one can say in 10 pages,a great one can say in 1.”
If Borges, a non-philosopher, can exemplify the map-territory relation in all its complexity so well in a single paragraph, you philosophers really ought to do better.
Long story (way too) short, but Sartre’s Being and Nothingness is an attempt to demonstrate free will (existence prior to essence!) through a ‘phenomenological ontology’ of ‘nothingness/annihilation.’ Sort of.
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the tr!mm!ngs, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”
Here’s one I use in my clA$$: Descartes goes into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. He finishes his beer, and the bartender says, “Descartes, would you like another?” Descartes responds, “I think not” and POOF! he disappears.
“Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a-priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that onto-logically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside.”
“Why are you using so many resources? All those labs and experiments and whatnot, this is getting expensive! Why can’t you be more like mathematicians – they only need pens, paper and a trash bin. Or philosophers! They only need pens and paper!”
Property is a quality of relations between people, so between the thief and his friend, the context constructs the property as belonging to the theif. But if the previous owner finds the thief, in their relation, the property is constructed as belonging to the original owner.
Solipsism is the position that all experience is a mental fiction and that the external world does not exist, or more weakly that the external world can not be known to exist. Hence jokes like “is it just me” and “it’s nice to meet another”, since the solipsist cannot claim to know that they have actually met another solipsist.
In 1948, Bertrand Russell wrote: “I once received a letter from an eminent logician, Mrs. Christine Ladd-Franklin, saying that she was a solipsist, and was surprised that there were no others. Coming from a logician and a solipsist, her surprise surprised me.”
“By the law of the excluded middle, either “A is B” or “A is not B” must be true. Hence either “the present King of France is bald” or “the present King of France is not bald” must be true. Yet if we enumerated the things that are bald, and then the things that are not bald, we should not find the present King of France in either list. Hegelians, who love a synthesis, will probably conclude that he wears a wig.”

About Annie Rosy

Annie is a writer who likes to focus on funny pick up lines. She enjoys making people laugh and feel good, and thinks that using a clever line can be the perfect way to start a conversation. When she's not writing, Annie loves spending time with her friends and family. She's always up for trying new things, and is always looking for ways to make life more fun.

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