“Damn, you are S#xy in stripes.”
“Is that a zip-gun carefully carved out of a piece of discarded metal found on the floor of the prison license-plate manufacturing shop in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”
“You know, normally I don’t give in the first 30 seconds, but .I guess I’m a sucker for sheer muscle mA$$.”
“Nice teeth. They’d look so much better on my the floor of my cell.”
“Who wants to marry a multiple murderer?”
“I’ve been watching you from across the yard for awhile now,and I knew if I didn’t work up the courage to just walk over here,and ask you to be my B!t¢h, I might regret it for the rest of my life.”
“Hold still while I staple this centerfold to the back of your head.”
“Did you order the Soap Drop soup?”
“That orange jumpsuit really brings out the red in your
freshly-healed knife wound.”
“Care to give Prisoner Johnson a weekend furlough?”
“You’re new here… let me debrief you and introduce you to the penal system.”
“You look even better in person than you did on America’s Most Wanted.”
“If looks could kill, you’d get 25 to life.”
“Is your name ‘Escape Tunnel?’ Because I’ve been digging you all night.”
“Interested in serving HARD time?”
“Don’t you prefer dropping bar soap instead of that liquid crap?”
“Due to a recent execution, I now have an opening for my prison B!t¢h.”
“Time, Love and Tenderness isn’t just a Michael Bolton song, its my way of life.”
“Stop by my cell later for a Lethal Injection.”
“Wanna Make License Plates after dark?”
“Cinemax3 is doing another one of those Women in Prison movies soon..wanna audition in my cell?”
“Bread, Water or Me?”
“Wanna Attend a Chain Gang Bang?”
“You’re getting your GED..wow that makes me so H O T T!”
What do you call a clairvoyant midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why was the parrot in prison? Because it was a jail-bird.
Why did the belt get arrested? Because he held up a pair of pants.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Where can you find a bunch of clowns who deserve to be in jail? Silly Con Valley.
Police Officer: “How high are you?” Pothead: “No officer, it’s “Hi, How are you?”
What do you give prisoners for dessert? Jaily-Beans.
What distinction does OJ hold in jail? He’s the first inmate with a retired number.
Why won’t prison life be much different from playing for the Bills? OJ will still have big guys opening holes for him.
How do you know if a prison guard is gay? The smell of his mustache.
What’s an inmates favorite fishing equipment? Jail bait
What’s an prisoners favorite battery? Duracell
Why are inmates so angry all the time? Cause they have bad cell service.
What’s an inmates favorite food? Cellery
What’s an inmates favorite place to hangout? At the bars.
Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence? A convict.
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A cellfie.
Why do prisoners have PTSD? Cell Shock.
How do people stop being crooks? They straighen themselves out!
Why can’t inmates read a clock? Cause its hard time
What do you call a famous inmate? A cellebrity
What’s a prisoners favorite building materials? Steal n cement
A prisoner was released from jail, he shouted “Yay I’m free I’m free!” The little boy yelled “So what I’m 4 I’m 4!”
How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just beat the room for being black.
After many years, a prisoner is set free. he runs around saying, im FREE! IM FREE! A boy walks up to him and says, so what? I’m 4. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.