[Top 500] Dirty Pick Up Lines That Will Make Her WTF?

by Maria Line

Some guys feels machismo to dare use dirty lines on their partners.Most of the cases it may end up in a slap otherwise you may be lucky lad as it could be a game changer.
Picking up a chick might be tricky thing to ask for But it all depends what your partner is comfortable with, if she is sensitive reserve type, never use double meaning or dirty lines it may turn out to be a disaster.
Better start off with some puns,soft jokes and smooth one liners.
If she is a bit friendly type then you may throw some dirty puns to check up if she likes them or not. if a smiles then you are all set to continue.
That is why we have created sorted list of Dirty and c0©kypick up lines you can decide and use on her/him.
If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?
[Top 500] Dirty Pick Up Lines That Will Make Her WTF?
[Top 500] Dirty Pick Up Lines That Will Make Her WTF?
Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!
You know, I’ve got the f, the c and the k, so all I need is you
Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!
Woman to Man: Hi, I’m a tawdry SI#t looking for a good time
You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don’t even own a car.
Miss, if you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?.
Find a girl at the bar, walk over to her, and say “you put the ‘hot A$$’ in my shot glA$$.
Go up to a girl, ask her: “Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?” She says no. Then wink.
Let’s just f#ck.
Excuse me. Do you have chicken in your fridge? (yes) How big are your breasts?
I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to tinker” around with.
If I followed you home would you keep me?
If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
I can play the 1812 Overture on a touchtone phone with my tongue.
It’s a new world order. Have your way with me.
My D!¢K’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
Want a cigar?
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
I’ve been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masterbait and I was wondering if you’d mind if I fantasize about you?
Do you have a can opener? My D!¢K is about to pop.
I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
Please tell your S#xs to stop looking at my eyes.
Let’s go f#ck in a brand new limo.
Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
If you were camping and woke up with a used condom inside you, would you tell anyone? (No) Wanna go Camping?
Do you have a name or can I call you mine?
You are so beautiful, that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glA$$, just to jerk off in your shadow.
Say, that’s a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the f#ck outta me!
I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to s*x.
Woman to Man: Did you just grab my A$$? No? Well you can if you want too!.
Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna f#ck?
You’re like Pringles once I pop you, I can’t stop you.
Do you like clocks? (if yes) put two hands and a face on this. (pointing down)
You say, “So, did you here the one about the guy and the girl who had the most S#xual relationship?” The reply, “No”. You respond, “Well then, let’s go to my place and I’ll tell you all about it.”
You make my software turn to hardware!
There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that A$$.
Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
Did you know that the word ‘motel’ spelled backwards means ‘letom’?
[What are you doing?] I’m taking off my shoes. [Why?] So I can take off my pants.
F#ck me if I’m wrong but isn’t your name Gretchen?.
Boy, it sure is hot and stuffy in here. Would you like to take a cold shower?
Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your hand up) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave your hand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head.
I’m a used car but you can still drive me!
My bologna has a first name…
Hey, are you hiring? I really need a bl0wj0b, but I’ll take …
Excuse me, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
Didn’t I do your sister?
I love every bone in your body – especially mine
Hi, I was just wondering? Do you wipe front-to-back or back-to-front? — 0
I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car outside..
You know, you’re very easy on the eyes…and very hard on my erection.
Want to make a P0®no? We don’t have to tape it.
If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
Woman to Man: Roses are Red; Apples are Sour; I’ll Spread my legs; And you can show me your “power”
Let’s play hockey. I”ll be the net, and you can score.
Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
I’m leaving this place … want to c#m?
Is your name Pepsi cause’ I’ve gotta have it.
Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
You look like my type: nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What’s wrong with my clothing?)
Hi, my name is ______________. I eat pu$$y like a woman.
The best part of me is covered up.
Excuse me, but I think I left your sunglA$$es in your pocket. Mind if I check?
Roses are red, violets are blue. I like spaghetti, let’s go screw.
Do you take it up the A$$?
Girls are S#xy, guys are fine I’ll be your six if you’ll be my nine!
I have an oral fixation with giving oral gratification. If you are willing to receive I am more than willing to give.
You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
If you want me, don’t shake me, or wake me, just take me.
Are you a farmer? No, ‘cuz you sure know how to raise a c0©k.
I have a job for you…. but it blows
Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
(Look down at the crotch) It’s not just going to suck itself.
Woman to Man: Either my eyes need checking or you’re the best looking guy I’ve seen all week.
Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
Excuse me, but you have a “D!¢K for” on your head. [What’s a “D!¢K for”?] I’ll show you.
Do you have a beard on your pu$$y/A$$hole? (No.) Want one?
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
Wanna play Army? I lay down and you blow the hell outta me.
I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
Hey baby, what’s your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?
Hey. Do you have that Hawiian Disease? What? “Comeoniwannalayya”.
I’ll marry you tomorrow, but let’s honeymoon tonight.
I just popped a Vi@gra. So, we’ve got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
Hi. I’m h0rn¥.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
What time do you get off? Can I watch?
Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I’ll slam you all night long!
Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
I’m feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I’ve got all weekend.
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? I WANT S#x! Sorry, the doctor said that would help….
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have s*x.
So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
Can you give me a tour of your body?
My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?
I wanna use your thighs as earmuffs. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you throw it on top of me?
You like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.
(Approach a group of women) I’m gonna have s*x with you, you, and you. Alright, who’s first?
[Grab his/her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
Was your father a welder? No, why? Because those sure are acetylene S#xs!
Love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl’s destination; to increase the population; for the next generation; did you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration?
My magical watch says you aren’t wearing any panties. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast!
Baby, you’re like a championship bA$$. I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you!
Hi. Your name must be (your car here) because my backseat has it written all over.
Woman to Man: Do you train cats? (Man: No, why?) Woman: Because you just made my pu$$y c#m!
My name’s Pogo, d’ya wanna jump on my stick?
You must be this beautiful (make hand gesture for small height) to ride the me.
Was your dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.
I got a 14 inch c0©k, why don’t you come home with me and I’ll let you ride it.
Hey, you’ve got a lawyer’s A$$. Yip, it’s firm.
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
Want to come see my hard drive? I promise it isn’t 3.5 inches and it ain’t floppy.
Can I take you to the Bone-yard?
My name’s [your name], but you can call me “lover.”
You must be the limp doctor because I’ve got a stiffy.
Woman to Man: You know how I am with D!¢Ks? I suck at it.
I heard your ankles were having a party… want to invite your pants down?
I’m hard. You wet?
Do you like chips? Because if you are frito lay than I am a barrel of fun!
Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as my back?
Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
Did you know that I saved a girl’s life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?
Person #1: hey, you wanna do a 68? Person #2: What? Person #1: You go down, and I’ll owe you one.
Excuse me M’am, you dropped a piece of A$$, let me get that for you. (then grab her A$$)
Do you have any Irish in you? (if no.) Would you like some? (if yes.) Want some more?
We’re going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f#ck.
I’ll make you shiver when I deliver.
That’s a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!
Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
Let’s make out so I can see if you taste as good as you look!
Nice S#xs, mind if i feel them?.
Hey baby, are you like Sprite because you make me want to obey my thirst.
My friend and I made a bet and I need to check if those are implants.
I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What are your measurements?
Hey baby, what do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?
Woman to Man: Whip it out and show me what you got, so I can save the disappointment from later. You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
I’m the doctor of love baby and you’re over due for your meat injection!
If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
Excuse me, but I think that you are too drunk to drive. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? [Does it] Next, I need for you to bend over and spell “RUN”.
Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word “edible”.
Are you cold? Let me be your electric blanket. Just plug me in and I’ll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.
Wanna f#ck like bunnies?
Excuse me, I’m a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?
We’ll probably never see each other again, so let’s screw.
I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
Are you gay? (No.) Wow, me neither, let’s have s*x.
Let’s go to your place and love each other until my D!¢K falls in your pu$$y.
Guy pulls out a quarter “if I flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?”
First, I’d like to kiss you pA$$ionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.
Didn’t anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew…
Will you marry me for just one night?
Lets play S#xanic you’ll be the ocean and ill go down on you
Have you ever been hunting before? (No.) Well then how about you come up to my cabin with me this weekend and I can teach you how to stuff a beaver.
I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands.
If I washed my D!¢K, would you suck it? (No.) Oh, so you like to suck dirty D!¢Ks.
Do you know the essential difference between s*x and conversation? (No.) Do you want to go upstairs and talk?
Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
Do you like jewels? (Yes.) Suck my D!¢K, it’s a gem.
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
You’ve got the whitest teeth I’d ever want to c#m across.
I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t c#m in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
I’d like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?!?!!Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
Excuse me, but I’m freeballing, can I borrow your underwear?
Want to taste my D!¢K? (What!?!) I said, “do you want to taste my drink?”
Hey I see your wearing clothes, I’m wearing clothes, you know we have something in common we should get together and do something sometime.
You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
Use index finger to call someone over then say, “I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.”
You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!
I’m a starving artist and I want to eat you.
Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
If I were a carpenter and you were a porch. I’d take out all your nails and screw ya!
Can you help me up? My D!¢K is too big.
Do you wanna lick my tongue?
Are those Guess jeans? ‘Cause guess who wants to get into ’em.
You know, if I were you, I’d have s*x with me.
You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
What’ll you say we make like Winnie-the-poo and I can get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I’ll be your Burger King, you treat meright, and I’ll do it your way right away.
Erections like these don’t grow on trees you know.
Free mammograms, get your free mammograms here, get ’em while they’re hot!
I think I love you but I can’t be sure until I kiss you…
Stand back, I’m a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I’ll loosen her clothes.
Wow, you have some sweet birthin’ hips.
Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, knead till hard, and serve hot.
So, I see you eat with utensils. Well, I’ve got one that I’m just dying to put in your drawers.
Excuse me, have I f#cked you yet?
I’d like to name a multiple 0rg@sm after you.
Can I borrow 70 cents? (No) Then how about 69. I’m sure you can offer 69.
Excuse me, but I have the mother load and was wondering if you had a place to put it?
Just where do those legs of yours end?
So you wanna get laid? Then crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.
Excuse me, I’ve seem to have lost my virginity, can I have yours?
That’s a nice shirt, can I take you out of it?
May i pleasure you with my tongue?
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
What’s a SI#t like you doing in a clA$$y joint like this??
Motion with one finger for a girl to come to you. When, or if she comes, say: I just made you come with one finger. Imagine what I could do with two.
Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in.
Woman to Man: Is your dad a peanut maker? ‘Cause you’ve got nice nuts!
Fancy a f#ck?
You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
Hey baby…can you suck start a Harley?
Life is like a D!¢K. When it gets hard, “Fu©k it”.
Do you want to see something swell?
Do you wanna box? [Yes.] Well, get on your hands and knees and give me two blows to the head.
Motion for girl to come here with one finger), “If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!”
If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
How do you like your eggs cooked? [Why?] Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!
Have you ever wondered what a v@g!n@l blood fart smelt like?(No) Cool….me neither.
Baby, I’m an American Express lover…you shouldn’t go home without me.
Where’s your paper bag? (What?) Your paper bag to put over your head.
Woman to Man: If you’re naughty go to your room. If you wanna be naughty go to my room!
Woman to Man: I’ll give you a nickel if I can tickle your pickle….
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
Hey baby, I’d like to herd by cattle in your fertile valley.
You remind me of my cousin. (How?) I want to f#ck you so bad, but I know that I can’t.
Are those f#ck me eyes, or f#ck you eyes?
You look a little feverish. Luckily I always have an oral thermometer on me.
Hi, sorry I don’t have an opening line but since you have an opening and I have a line…
Wasn’t I supposed to eat you somewhere?
You must work at Subway, ’cause you just gave me a footlong
Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.
You know, I never was to good at math…like if I put you and I together, I’d get 69.
You’ve activated my launch sequence
Male: Hey, I don’t feel to good. Female: Why? Male: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach. Female: What? Male: (looking down) I think his truck is already sticking out.
Hey babe, wanna sample my DNA?
Do you know anything about real estate? (Grab crotch or breasts) I was just wondering if you could tell me if this is a lot.
Ever tried those weird prickly condoms? (sure to get responses)
Baby, I wanna take my extention cord and stick it all the way into your electrical outlet.
How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
Fu©k me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don’t you?
(Put out hand) Give me five. (after they give you five, leave your hand up)
Fu©k me if I’m wrong, but don’t you want to kiss me?
I lost my teddy bear can I sleep with you tonight?
Are you in to Casual S#x or should I dress up?
I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
I’m not an expert in hardware, but I know that you’d be able to screw my nuts off.
Do you like apples? (Yes.) How about I take you home and f#ck the $h!t out of you. How do like them apples?
Save water, shower with a friend!
With one touch I can make you make noise only dogs can hear!
Excuse me, are you ready to go home yet?
Fu©k me, I’m beautiful enough to be with you all night.
If I was hungry for crabs would you spread your legs for me?
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
What has 58 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper
As she’s leaving….Hey aren’t you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f#ck you on the floor.
I think I’m in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?
Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
Do you like magic? (Yes or No) I want to cast a spell on you with my magic meat wand.
You touch her shirt and ask, “Is this cotton?” Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, “Oh, this must be felt.”
Do you like blueberries or strawberries, ’cause I want to know what kind of pancakes to order in the morning.
I wish you were a screen door….. [Why?] So I can slam you all day long!
You are so fine that I’d eat your $h!t just to see where it came from.
I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles B!t¢h!
As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my A$$? No. Damn!
As long as i have a face, u alwayz have a place to sit.
My mattress is a little hard. Would you like to help me break it in?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? She will say, “Why?” You will reply, “Cause I could see myself in your pants.”
Excuse me…..Hi, I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you…
Are you a horse? (No) Can I ride you anyway?
You know, sweetie, my lips won’t just kiss themselves…
The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.
Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I’m nice.
If a women asks, “Excuse me, do you have the time?” You should answer: “Yeah! Do you have the energy?”
Woman to Man: Like the hurricane said to the coconut tree; hold on to your nuts I’m gonna give you the blow of your life.
Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down!
Baby you’re a s*x crime waiting to happen.
Hey baby, let’s go make some babies.
When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going….
The Lord gave us the power to f#ck. So, let’s go have s*x!
Excuse me, but you’ve got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder! (What’s a Wild Blocost?) How much do ya got?
Your name must be Mickey because your so fine.You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
If I were the king, and you were the queen, in the cosmic game of chess, would you mate with me?
Baby… wanna come for a ride?
Hey Baby, you want to come to my house and work on your math skills? We can add the bed, subtract the cloths, divide the legs and multiply!
Hello, can I offer you eight inches of strength and sensitivity?
I’ve got a big one, you wanna see how hard it works?
If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?
If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could it in public
I’m a Love Pirate, and I’m here for your b00ty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!
Do you like cheesy lines or do you just want to do it?
Have you ever played leap frog naked??
Hey baby, you’ve got something on your butt: my eyes.
Hi my name is (your name), did I mention I have a peπ!s?
Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place have s*x and I’ll disappear in the morning.
How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I’ll give you the meat!
If I take off my clothes, will you f#ck me?
I know where there is a good party, they’ve got liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
Do you want to see the soles of your feet in the wing mirrors in my car?
Mines bigger than his want proof?
Hi, my name is Pogo, want to jump on my stick?
You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my peπ!s.
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
You can’t be first, but you could be next.
Excuse me. I seem to have misplaced my willy-warmer. Do you mind if I try you on for size?
Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
You Say: I’m jealous of your dress. She says “Why?” You say: Because it’s touching your body, and I’m not.
Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let’s go to my room and put our pieces together.
Hello, love, do you spit or swallow?
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I love you, I want to marry you. Now f#ck my brains out.
I’m either going home with you or behind you, take your pick.
Hi, I’m new to this country and you are the prettiest sight I’ve see so far.
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
Wanna f#ck, or should I call my lawyer?
Let’s not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let’s get to it.
Last night, a little leprechaun came up to me and told me that if you don’t
I’ve got a big nose, big hands, and really big feet. That’s right, I’m a clown.
Your daddy must have been a baker, ’cause you have a nice set of buns.
(Leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masterbait.
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart.
I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
I’ve got a great big c0©k!
Would you like to dance or should I go f#ck myself again?
What do I have to do to be your b00ty call?
So, what are the chances of my balls slappin’ your A$$ tonight?
Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
Did your father have s*x with a carrot? Cause you’ve got nice eyes.
I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
I ran out of Viagra. Can I use you?
I know I can’t have your cherry, but can I get the box it came in?
Forget that, playing doctors is for kids, lets play gynecologist.
It’s not the size of the boat. It’s the motion of the ocean.
Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
Wanna get down with me like four flat tires?
Can I impregnate you with my Demon spawn?
Do you like chicken? Suck this, it’s pretty foul!
The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.
The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.
I’m easy. Are you?
Have you ever played “Spank the brunette”? Want to try?
Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just happy to see me?
If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
Let’s have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out….) Would you like to?
Dinner first? No? Hey, if we’re gonna have s*x I gotta eat!
I had s*x with someone last night. Was that you?
If I were to ask you for s*x, would your answer be the same as the answer to
I’d rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in
That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I’d becoming too!
Lets skip all the bull-$h!t lose our inhibitions and DO what we really came here to do.
I’ll bet you $10 my D!¢K can’t fit into your mouth.
Do you know what part of the tongue registers the “salty taste? Why don’t you blow me and find out?
Kissing is a language of love….so how about a conversation?
Are your knees dirty? I don’t want to get my floor dirty.
If you were a car, I’d wax you and ride you all over town.
You look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will always have a seat.
Hi, I’m a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
Hi, my name’s ______________. You might want to remember it now, because you’ll be screaming it later!
[Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.
Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
I’m scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms?
Are you a Pokemon?? Cuz i’d sure like to pikachu!!
Are we related? Do you want to be?
Um…I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?
Don’t sweat the petty things… pet the sweaty things!
Oh, yeah, [band name] is really great. . . I have all their rare stuff. You can come over to my place and tape it all if you want.
Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me? See, I’m trying to find someone. (Who?) Any girl/guy who’ll sleep with me.
Hold out two fingers and say: “Why should a woman masterbait with these two fingers?” (I don’t know.) “Cause they’re mine sweetheart.”
He: Hi, what’s the color of your hair? She: (tells him) He: And the hair on your head?
Write the following on a napkin and give it to a cute girl: “Smile if you want to have s*x with me.” Watch her smile!
Hey baby. Why don’t you come sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up?
I can sense that you’re a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
Would you like to see my cirC^mcision scar?
Hi. You’ll do.
I’ve got an alarm clock that makes the best sound in the morning. Would you like to come and hear it?
You wet? I’d bet you are after looking at me.
Let’s have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you?
Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!
I’d love to swap bodily fluids with you.
The most common pickup line used in a gay bar: May I push in your stool?
Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!
Are you cold? (Yes) You want a jacket? (Sure) Well, not here, you can jack it when you get back to my room.
Can you help me find my puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
I’d give you a piece of my mind, but I’ve got more of something else.
I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d like to catch and mount back at my place.
You’re so hot, your A$$ is on fire.
Baby, I’ve got and eight inch tongue and i can breathe through my ears.
Can you believe that just a few hours ago we’d never even been to bed together?
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Is that a keg in your pants? ‘Cause I would love to tap that A$$!
Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a f#ck… (wait for a second gauging her reaction)…ing drink?
You’re good at math right? Is 69 a perfect square?
If I told you I had a 2 inch D!¢K would you f#ck me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inches.
Do you believe in free love? (Certainly no!) Then how much do you cost?
What do you think of Bill Clinton? (Answer…) Yeah, me too, but I try not to follow that stuff regarding Bill, Hilliary, or Monica.
You should join the circus.(Why?) So you can learn to juggle my balls all day.
Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, “Wanna screw?”
Excuse me , she says “Uh huh”, do you have any Grey Poupon? no? well we can still get the sandwich action going on baby.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
I would f#ck you so hard, you’d learn from it.
I’ve got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first?
(Wiping your face), Oh I’m sorry, (wiping your face), let me clear a place for you to sit!
Wanna tickle my Oscar Meyer Wiener?
Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a bl0w j0b? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?
Hi, do you want to have my children? (A$$uming the answer is ‘no’), OK then, can we just practice?
Do you know the difference between my peπ!s and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let’s go on a picnic and find out!
Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you’ll be screaming it all night long.
Nice legs, lets eat out.
Nice Fu©king weather. Want to?
Girl, if I were a fly, I’d be all over you, because you’re the $h!t!
You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
I’m not trying to pressure you. I don’t want to have s*x without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
You are rubber, I’m glue, what ever you say, I bet I will f#ck you.
Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and we’ll see what rises.
Is your dad a farmer? (No, why?) Because you got some melons.
Can you believe it? It’s been more than fifteen minutes since I’ve had s*x.
I’d really like to see how you look when I’m naked.
Do I know you? (No.) That’s a shame, I’d sure like to.
Since we shouldn’t waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire.
I’d drag my balls through a mile of broken glA$$, followed by a mile of hot coals, just to chase a laundry truck that MIGHT have your dirty underwear on board.
I want to kiss your belly button, and move all the way down to your lips.
At the office copy machine “Reproducing eh?” “Can I help?”
F@ck playing doctor do you want to play gynecologist??
Have s*x with me and I promise never to talk to you again!
You’ve got an A$$ that makes me want to be your wallet!!!
Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumber’s?
Roses are red, mosquitos are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.
Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.
What’s better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ.
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d like to mount.
That’s a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor.
Are you anorexic? Oh, OK, then I’ll understand if you spit.
Can I please be your slave tonight?
If you don’t have s*x with me tonight, your(or my) D!¢K is going to fall off. We don’t want that now do we?
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated 0rg@sm?
Let’s face it. I’m hot, you’re hot and we both know you got a crush on me.
What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
Try me once and if you don’t like it, what have you wasted? What, six hours of your life? It’d be more if you want foreplay.
What do you like for breakfast?
My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.
If you look that good in clothes, you must look even better out of them.
Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down.
Believe it or not, gettin’ laid is still hard when you’re this good-looking.
Hi. I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Are you a bird collector? ‘Cause you’ve got a nice set of hooters.
Your A$$ is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
My ex-girlfriend used to call me Goldfinger.
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
Is it cold or are you just smuggling tic-tac’s?
Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose now take off your clothes.
Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Looks don’t matter, I’ll just wrap you in a flag and f#ck you for glory.
You be Poland, I’ll be Germany
I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?
S#x is a killer … want to die happy?.
I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
Thanks for the bl0w j0b last night. (What bl0w j0b? I didn’t give you one.)
Damn, I thought “Very-Fine” only came in a bottle!
I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?
You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
Would you f#ck a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is…
Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my D!¢K?
Hey baby, I’ll f#ck you so hard the neighbors will be having a cigarette when we’re done.
Hi, do you dissect insects for scientific research? (No, why?) I thought you might want to look inside my fly.
Are you an Emerson? Because emmerson are some nice S#xs! Clothes look heavy on ya, want me to relieve some!!!
Excuse me, I am about to go home to m@sterbait and needed a name to go with the face.
If you were a laser, you’d be set on “stunning”.
I want to write a poem on your body with my lips
You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.
Excuse me, but do you have the temperature?
You remind me of a championship bA$$, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you!
If I gave you a S#xy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?
Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?.
If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Are my undies showing? [“No.”] “Would you like them to?”
Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right.
I’m bigger and better than the S#xanic….. only 200 woman went down on the S#xanic
I miss my teddy bear, would you sleep with me?
They’re still on.
I’m a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
Do you believe guys think with their D!¢K? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.
Lets play “S#xanic.” When I say “Iceburg!” you do down.
Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop? Wanna find out?
This isn’t a beer belly, It’a a fuel tank for a love machine.
Do you bleach your teeth? ‘Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let’s go prove it.
Excuse me, miss? Hi, I’m doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick. And if I don’t get one soon, they won’t let me pledge…
Don’t worry, I don’t get emotionally involved. It’s just physical.
(Stare at her until she says “What!?!”) It isn’t just gonna suck itself.
Are you free tonight or am I gonna have to pay?
Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the peπ!s is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just
Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.
At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pick up the bread and say, “Wanna roll?”
Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart…
They say a girls best friend are her legs. But even the best of friends sometimes have to part.
Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?
If I jumped on your back, would you beat me off?
Hey, my seamen has the SPF of 30, care to rub some on your face?
Excuse me, is it true that you’re a S#xual tyrannosaurus?
Hello. I have s*x on the first date. Do you?
When I first saw you, I knew we could win the Stanley Cup in tonsil hockey.
I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f#ck? (after she slaps you or leaves) HEY! What’s wrong, don’t you like pizza?
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? ‘Cuz I can see myself in your pants.
Hypothetically speaking, if I were to f#ck you, would you let me?
You smell wet, lets party.
You should stop drinking! (Why?) Because you are driving me home.
Don’t you think most people who use pickup lines are dipsticks? (Yup) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?
Hey baby… you got any diseases? Want some?
Can I see your tan lines?
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore….my face should be among them.
Are you a lumberjack? Cuz you’re giving me wood!
I’m Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
Have you seen my enormous jar of “peπ!s Reducing Cream”?
Your so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.
I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor…what say we tie up for the night?
They call me “coffee”. I grind so fine.
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have s*x?
Hey good lookin’, whatcha got cookin’? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your v@g!n@!
If you were floor boards I would take out all the nails and screw you.
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
I’ve got a condom with your name on it.
You must be Jelly, cause jam don’t shake like that.
Tickle your pu$$y with a feather? (What?) I said, “Particularly nice weather.”
Baby, I would do more things to you than MacGyver in a “Do-It-Yourself Shop”.
I have a 13 inch D!¢K. Remember that, there will be an oral exam later.
So long as we’re in the theater….why don’t we get some play?
What color is your $h!t?
I’m conducting a survey on the taste of v@g!n@s. Wanna be my first participant?
I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock!
Wanna play Pearl Harbor?….Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me.
You know, looking at you right now, in this light… I could f#ck you.You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Hey babe! Did you hear about the guy and the girl who talked together at the dance? Well…Let me read you the story tonight when I tuck us into bed!
Do you like Stove Top stuffing? Great, you can stuff me on your stove top anytime.
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.
I’ll suck you so hard that you’ll have to pick the sheets out of your A$$ when I’m finished.
You look familiar, have we had s*x before?
I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.
S#x is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.
“Excuse me, but you dropped something back there” Woman: “What’s that?” You: This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.
What are you doing tonight beside me?
Hey baby…can you suck the chrome off a bumper?
Hey , I’m the cable guy, my only policy is that if I hook your cable up, you
I was going to tell you a joke that’ll make your S#xs fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
I c#m in 5 seconds, you won’t even know I was there.
Are you menstruating? If so, I know how to insert tampons.
Hey baby…can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
Are you cold? You should be; you’ve been naked in my mind all night.
I lost my rubber duckie. Would you bathe with me instead?
I’m an army recruiter. Why don’t you come over to my place and “be all you can be.”
Are you going to the party tonight (what party?) The one in your mouth, everybody’s C^mming.
I am participating in the S#xual Olympics multiple 0rg@sm relay race my partner just died of exhaustion. Would you like to help me out?
And really, who can blame you with a gorgeous face like this. So can I snatch a kiss or vice-versa (that is kiss a snatch).
Do you have any tacos on you? (No.) In that case, will you make out with me?
Guess what?! I’ve got an 8″ tongue and I can breath out of my ears!
Why do I have a pierced tongue? You’ll soon find out.
You’d mind if I fantasize about you?
Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them.
(Excuse me?) It’s dangerous for someone like you to be out in public with all of these h0rn¥ people around. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.
Your legs are like peanut butter, smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.
Are you a bad load of laundry? You make my pants feel two sizes too small.
Hi, I’m foreign. I’ve got Russian hands and Roman fingers.
Excuse me, do I need to buy a ticket for your fantastic voyage?
The drink: $6. The room: $100. The night with you?: Priceless.
I bet you $20 you’re gonna turn me down.
Your face or mine?
Excuse me. I’m from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I’m going to have to ask you to A$$ume the position.
Are those space pants you’re wearing? Because your A$$ is out of this world.
I love baseball so take me home baby!
Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body? {Wait for answer} “Yeah, and I could show you how to get one more?”
Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be!
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven’t got any, how about a c0©k?
Oh no, I’m choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
You didn’t? You owe me one.
Darn girl you even look good with the lights on!
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling.
Do you want a worm-do? (Whats a worm do?) It does this..(Move your finger like a worm~~~~~~)
My name is Haywood. Haywood Jablome.
Congratulations! You’ve been voted “Most Beautiful Girl In This Room” and the grand prize is a night with me!
Want to play lion? (She asks, “What’s that?”) That’s where you get down on all fours and growl like a lion while I feed you the meat!
You know what they say about guys with big hands? [What] Big latex.
I hope to God you can’t sing because I just wanna f#ck you.
My place…..Eight o’clock……bring a friend.
Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?
Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
What is long and hard, and right behind you?
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
May I end this sentence with a proposition?
Lick your finger and touch the person, touch yourself with it and say, “Let’s you and me get out of these wet clothes.”
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it and say: “Now that I’ve broken the ice, will you sleep with me?
Happy hour’s over but it’s still going strong at my place.
WAIT, don’t drink that. Don’t you know that makes your chest grow to twice its normal size? Oh, I’m sorry. I guess it’s too late.
Although you seem content, you also seem quite alone over here. Can I interrupt your reverie?
Someone vacuum my lap, I think you need a clean place to sit.
Come back to my place so I can give you a lovely parting gift.
Show me your pu$$y!
Hi, I’m a representative for Joe Boxer. I’m doing a survey on which brand guys prefer leaving in the corner of the room while having wild s*x.
Yeah, it’s big and if you pet it, it spits
Let’s bypA$$ all the bull$h!t and just get naked.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
I’m like a power plant. It’s hard to turn me down and I can turn you on
How about you sit on my lap and we’ll see what pops up?
I had your sister last year, she sucked. Wanna defend your family honor?
He: Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars? She (sheepishly): Yes.
Like Motel 6, I’ll leave the light on for you.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you..
Aren’t you the girl/guy who is having s*x with that really good looking guy/girl? (No.) Want to be?
Hey! Ya wanna try out my new ‘Home Artificial Insemination Kit?
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is s*x. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy.
This Valentine’s Day, I really want you to know how I feel…..So you better use both hands.
I’m like chocolate: I go straight to your A$$!
Nice shoes, wanna f#ck?
You bring a whole new meaning to the word, “edible.”
Oh, you’re a bird watcher….(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow?
You want to get a six pack and f#ck, or don’t you drink?
Do you like whales? Well I have a hump-back at my place.
Hey babe- pretend my pants is France and invade them.
Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed?
Ever slept in a $5000 bed? Want to?
So, Is it safe to say I’m gonna score?
He: Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents? She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am? He: We’ve established what kind of woman that you are, we’re just haggling over the price.
Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
OH GOD! OH GOD! Just practicing.
Hey, do you exercise? Can I be your thighmaster?
Girl, if you were a porch I’d take out all the nails and screw ya.
Look at my lips and your lips. They want to mA$$age each other.
If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I’d consider sleeping with you.
Guy: I bet you’re a C-cup. Girl: How’d you know that? Guy: My testicles are the same size.
I have some hard code I want to try your compiler on.
Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
Just call me milk, I’ll do your body good.
Could I touch your belly button…from the inside?
If you talk to me, I’ll f#ck you.
So, come back to my place, and if you don’t like it I swear I’ll give you a full refund.
Wow! Are those real?
Sit on my face and let me get to ‘nose’ you better?
Do you think a relationship between you and I would be all s*x, or do you think that there would be some depth to it?

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