Duck, duck, gross
Legen…wait for it…
Have you met [name]?
Barney alllwayssss gets the yes.
Going to bed? Mind if I slytherin?
Barney alllllwaaaysss gets the yes!
What do I do for a living? ….Please
I’m Barney, I don’t get smitten. I smite.
With great peπ!s comes great responsibility
A week? That’s like a year in hot girl time.
Hey Ladies. Call Barney Stinson. 1-917-555-0199
POOF! I’m here, where are your other two wishes?
Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.
I’d like to plant you and grow a whole field of yall.
I’ve done so much good today, I’ve got like a soul boner
I feel like I’ve done so much good I have a “soul boner”
This.. what you’re doing here – is giving me a de-rection
My name may not be luna, but I sure know how to lovegood!
Believe it or not, I wasn’t always as awesome as I am today
Whaddya say you and me go look for the room of requirement?
Barney is single… it’s what America has been clamoring for!
Believe it or not, I wasn’t always as awesome as I am today.
Barney is single.. it’s what America has been clamoring for!
You are like a bottle of skele-gro: you’re growing me a bone.
Hagrid’s not the only giant on campus, if you know what I mean.
If you were a dementor, I’d become a criminal just to get your kiss.
What do you say we go out to dinner, have some chicken… maye some S#x?
I physically cannot take bad pictures. I don’t know why. Just ask god.
When I let a day go by without talking to you, that day’s just no good.
When I get sad, I stop being sad.. and I be awesome instead. True Story.
I must have had some felix felicis. Because I think I’m about to get lucky.
I know we’re not in professor Flitwick’s clA$$, but you still are charming.
To succeed you have to stop being ordinary and be legen – wait for it -dary!
The only reason to wait a month for S#x is if she’s 17 years, 11 months old.
There are so many things to do with the human mouth. Why waste it on talking?
Have you been using the petrificus totalus spell? Because you’ve made me stiff.
There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.
Girl, you have got to be tired because you have been running through my mind ALL DAY.
There is no time to explain how I got bit there, I just need someone to suck the poison out.
Are your pants made out of a bunch of tiny pictures, because I can definitely see myself in them.
I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise I’m done making a foold of myself.
Remember, it’s not about scoring. It’s about believing you can do it, even though you probably can’t.
You’re the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life.
Have you heard of platform 9 and ¾? Well, I can think of something else with the exact same measurements…
You know what I love about Halloween? It’s the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag.
Think of me like yoda, but instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I’m awesome. I’m your bro- I’m Broda!
It’s gonna be legend…wait for it…and I hope you’re not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY
God, it’s me, Barney. What’s up? I know we don’t talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me.
It’s gonna be legend-… wait for it… (and I hope you’re not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is) DAIRY!
That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome.
Dude, lots of chicks think that architects are hot. Think about that, you create something out of nothing. You’re like God. There is no one hotter than God.
Okay, pep talk! You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can’t. You’re way out of practice and she’s way too hot for you. So, remember, it’s not about scoring. It’s about believing you can do it, even though you probably can’t. Go get ‘em, tiger!
Open your brain tank, bro, ’cause here comes some premium 91-octane knowledge. There’s three rules of cheating: 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. 2. It’s not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And it’s not cheating if she’s from a different area code. You’re fine on all three counts.