[Top 30] Horrible and Terrible Puns To Brighten Your Day

by Annie Rosy

What has got two legs and bleeds? Half a dog!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
How do you get retards out of a tree? Wave to them!
Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill.
What is a crack head’s favorite song? I wanna rock!
What do you call an afghan virgin? Mever bin laid on
What do you call a bunny with a bent d!ck? Fu©kS FUNNY
[Top 30] Horrible and Terrible Puns To Brighten Your Day
[Top 30] Horrible and Terrible Puns To Brighten Your Day
Why did the boy fall off the swing? He didn’t have any arms.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy.
What do you call a gangbanger behind bars? Anything you want.
How do you cirC^mcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the jaw.
What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus? He got tired
How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist!
Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants? Because his pӘcker is on his head!
What’s 6 inches long and starts with a p? ……….. a $h!t (think about it)
Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer? The grA$$ tickles their balls
Why is santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What is pink, goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet? Bubble Gum.
They were horrible puns, aren’t they? Check more horrible ones on bad puns
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the S#xanic? Halfway
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He needed to get to the bottom!
What do bread and autistic kids have in common? They both have special needs
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck on his c0©k!
What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masterbait? Miracle Whip.
Why did God give men peπ!ses? So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown? A cheater, cheater, woman beater.
What do you call an anorexic B!t¢h with a yeast infection? A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.
What’s sicker than a pile of dead babies? The one alive in the middle chewing its way out.
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t? Her navel.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don’t have balls to scratch.
What do the Mafia and a pu$$y have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep $h!t.
What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? Liquor in the front and poker in the back!
What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest? A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off
How do you embarrA$$ an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Did you hear Lorena Bobbit just died? Yeah I heard she was on the freeway and some D!¢K cut her off.
How do you tell if a chick is too fat to Fu©k ? When you pull her pants down her A$$ is still in them
Why is being in the military like a blow-job? A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
When do you kick a dwarf in the balls? When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice
Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs? He doesn’t want anyone knowing he’s been Fu©king the chickens!
Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
What is the difference between oral and An@! S#x? Oral S#x makes your day and An@! S#x makes your whole weak.
What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather….kinky is using the whole chicken.
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common? They both only change their pads after every third period!
What’s the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader? They both suck for four quarters.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell peπ!s, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
When does a cub become a boy scout? When he eats his first Brownie. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his A$$.
What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me! One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”

About Annie Rosy

Annie is a writer who likes to focus on funny pick up lines. She enjoys making people laugh and feel good, and thinks that using a clever line can be the perfect way to start a conversation. When she's not writing, Annie loves spending time with her friends and family. She's always up for trying new things, and is always looking for ways to make life more fun.

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